Racer X

2006-03-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh.

Geez it's been a minute, or so goes the beginning of each post. I've been anxious to post the last couple of weeks in response to this new show black/white.

It is so trivial to me nowadays to get all worked up over a show that covers race as badly as this one, or in that fact to get worked up about it at all since its only like a media trump card whenever they want a quick ratings grabber.

This show is interesting though, and as many people that I have talked to about it, I have gotten the same number of different albeit brilliant opinions of the show.

My own however, a little too dramatic and silly right now in the early stages. The adults on both sides are trying extremely hard to prove their points, when the actual show within a show is the relationship between the kids.

Observing how far apart the two are in their social development is very indicative of the plight of the gen y blacks and whites. The parents, their behavior is limited to themselves, I am not so sure either set of parents could be used to represent the attitudes or the state of their race as a whole.

However, and maybe it just hits a little closer to home as well seeing how that young dude is so like my brother, looks, attitude and erything, the two kids are pretty good representations of thought process of future white children and black children to come.

It is good to note that race is not an important factor for either one of them, which is good. The seeds of MLK have been planted, and with each new generation the shadow of hate grows smaller, yet the black you just want to smack.

Hell I think that's my only point, just want to smack and say "hey don't let the white chick outshine you man!! Black tax remember?!!"

2006-02-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

Good lord, its already February and I haven't posted anything in here like I promised I would(who even cares?..), but I don't know it is still very therapeutic for my sake.

Things are looking up for 2006, with every passing year one grows wiser and I feel as though I've come leaps and bounds.

Marriage is slowly starting to grow on me, after only two years, but this feeling still comes and goes. I am sure others can relate. I don't know where I would be right now if I were not married, worse off yet stronger. I think marriage has definitely stifled my growth a little whilst developing my mental at the same time. I don't know if women will understand, to them it really just sounds like old "can't make up his f**kin' mind ass brutha", and I guess I am but I will never feel right unless a few issues that I never came to grips with get addressed.

Damn that Chris Rock comedy special, the one where he just went off marriage and being married. I don't know if there was a couple that walked out of that theatre who didn't question the validity of their relationship.

2:41 in the morning is dangerous, damn all these chat line commercials, a man can only take so much. They even have cell phone text porn, where can you not find porn these days?

Amazing, look how easily a string of phone sex commercials can sway my train of thought,...am I doing the right thing?

2006-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, the blog has been thoroughly neglected, but not for much longer, (who is listening anyway). Like so many things in my life that I start and pretty much grow tired of even before I thought of it I think I will continue this.

This whole parallel work universe where grizzled and grumbled cubicle dwellers lament about the aches of dealing with inept co-workers, relationships, and god knows what with other like-minded individuals out in cyberspace. Like its anything new to anybody who reads these testimonials daily like I do, but it's quite an escape for those who feel the need to escape into a conversation or a day in the life of another, not like that life is any better or worse, just suiting up into a different skin from time to time.

With that being said, I will try to continue the blog.

NYE. Sometimes I wonder, is it my curse to always end up barreled in there with the bad drunks? That last sentence hopefully not getting misconstrued like I was hanging out with the drunks, rather that I was the intolerable drunk.

I am getting so tired of it.

It is officialy over with me and binge drinking. Really, does one bottle of vodka, and half of it and red bull and tonic water in my stomach constitute as binge drinking? Don't know but when you can only recall about two minutes of your NYE 2006 because you were inebriated, and you were also so drunk you thought you lost your wallet so you had to drive home from the club only to find out it fell out your pocket into the car seat and then you had arguments with your lady all night and then you smoked in front of her and her sister and jesus where does it end.

Well its over now, thank god.

School is about to kick back off, the year looks like it is going to be a good one, and not good in the wholesome Andy Griffith Show respectable kind of way, but rather the interesting chicks still trying me, girl still bugging me, blacks keep embarassing me, world keeps enlightening me kind of way.

Toast!!

2005-12-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder, do I do crazy things to subconsciously jeopardize my marriage? C would agree wholeheartedly, and I guess her opinion matters the most, but is my subconscious mind taking me through all these wild ass capers?

Anywayz, this weekend was a good one. My new homeboy P from Belgium came through and hung out with me and the misses. He is 23 and a biochemical engineer who just finished at Kent while abroad. Cameroonian just like C, and a relative of hers maybe, or somehow, but we hit it off. Us being two young adventurous open-minded engineering majors with just a few differencesin lifestyles. I'm married, he is not. C immediately noticed this and automatically decided that somehow I would begin to impose my anti-marriage stance upon him, putting the fear of god into him should the thought of ever marrying young ever cross his mind, and that I would also try to live vicariously through him.

Hell, the latter may be true. But shit I don't know any man that is not somehow living his life vicariously through another, just look at professional sports.

So now she's like "I guess he's your new best friend", and don't get me wrong, she likes him and I like him, but damn, wifey acts like I can't have no single friends.

Anyway, we all get to MJQ on Friday, a night which you will only find the best music in Atlanta, fuck all that crunk shit sometimes, an brutha needs a rest from that. Also I need a rest from profanity, which seems to be coming out of my fingers just as much as my mouth now.

The Q though, a great night. It has its down moments just like any club, but then there are nights like last friday where the whole joint is jumpin'. My man from Belgium love him to death, just one thing though, got to teach him how to dance.

Man if that wasn't some of the corniest dancing I have ever seen. First the club was packed, and he is just around like he wants to break, but never really does. Like, he is in one percent of break mode. I on the other hand, knowing how packed it is just keep it to a simple two-step, but P man, is hopping around with one leg up, bouncing off chicks, bumping folks, so much that even C was like "Yo P, man you are goofy!".

So yes, self-esteem shattered I had to be like "naw man you are alright, if you wan't I'd let you know". Self-esteem right back, cuz the brutha was at it again, hopping off chicks, grinding, doing his thing, getting no love.

Yet a good time was still had by all, the weekend was a blitzkrieg and I could be here all night talking about the crazy shit that went down on saturday. Yeesh.

2005-12-07T15:57:00.000-08:00

It never fails, ever.

No matter how confident in yourself that you may be, or how much of a player you have come to be, there still always seems to be that moment in your life that you can not explain when trying to approach a female, that moment that just takes control of you and makes you embarassed to be yourself. Even if you are not trying to holla on some old can I get your number type ish, just on some regular casual friendly conversation. Something always finds a way to rear its ugly head and grab a hold of you.

The Choke.

There is this young lady, who I just want to be friends with for the most part, because I know she has to have a man cute as she is, that I ride the train with every morning.

We work at the same job and it seems as though it would be nothing at all to just walk up and say hello but, the choke just grabs a hold of me and will not let go the entire length of the walk. A good ten minutes.

What is it about the choke?

Perfect example of the choke

I think maybe it stems from a lack of self-confidence, but alas I do not feel a lack of self confidence. Or maybe it is a large feeling of "not cool enough to talk to her" that is disallowing my vocal functions to talk to her.

Or is it maybe, my history of saying stupid things to women and being virtually afraid of attractive women has wrapped itself around me so tightly that unless drunk (the only way to override such feelings) I can not make a play at a beautiful woman.

Then again, I also do not want to ruin a good thing. When you see somebody everyday at the same time and strike up conversation, it soon seems that the two parties eventually build up an awkward annoyance to each other. This happens so much in the workplace, you soon run out of the feeling to be cordial everytime you see them and next thing you begin purposely avoiding the person.

Sometimes a quiet walk to the building can be a good thing, and maybe we both realize that about each other. I know I am not the most Boris Kodjoe looking mug to grace the planet, but I assume she also has the same feelings as I about speaking and may even be wondering if I will break the ice.

She has to notice me. In Atlanta City Hall the age gap between tweenies and everybody else is like 20 years. The amount of employees there under twenty six can probably be counted on two hands. So I know she has to be like, he's young, and with my f**ing haircut now I have to look about twelve, wonder what's up with him.

Maybe I'll say hi tomorrow and see where it goes.

2005-11-28T16:07:00.000-08:00

God I hate college. Honestly when going through alot of this s**t I really begin to envy all the starving artists and entrepreneurs who just forego this whole rigamarole and just start making it their way, all hard knocks and whatever.

I say this because for a split second I got an epiphany when walking out of the Masquerade last saturday night. There was this "Us against the World" drum n' bass tour that they were having in the most godawful of venues, Masquerade's purgatory. What da f**k?

Anyway, aside from some from pretty good drum n bass and some pretty good dancing, sans he f**ing kids who were heading to Buckhead and made a wrong turn and ended up on North Ave of all places. White kids trying to hae fun make me sick, taking up good dance floor space doing the MTV spring break sandwich dance with up to 6 kids boy and girl and girl on girl and probably boy on boy "sandwich grinding" to hardcore drum and bass. "What the hell" is what me and wifey constantly looked at each other and said each time we saw them. It was hard not to, really, believe me.

Anyway, upon walking out I just noticed the usual cast of characters that you can pretty much expect to always see hanging out around the Masquerade at any given time of the year or point of the day. The metal or punk kids dressed fairly cool, and not poser-ly, and who probably live all kickass style and just don't give a fuck about whatever.

Only thing is, last time I saw these cast of characters I was about 17, now like 6 years later I still look at these cats and just envy them. Must be nice to be a roadie or be in a band and just live on the road and just be counter-cultural.

Oh well, whatever.

2005-11-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

Listening to right now The Go! Team's "Lady Flash.

Saw the video for this song on MTV's subterranean and thought it was interesting, good even. I think that is the only show on MTV playing decent music at the moment, or at least they just pack in whoever is hot and obscure at the moment and dish out like "KFC does Fried Chicken" so says Frank Black.

Anyway I can't bash MTV all the time, and believe you me I do bash it with abandon, but I have found some interesting bands that have become longtime favorites of mine, Bloc Party, eh, but other bands like Beulah, Tool, Sonic Youth, Badly Drawn Boy, Local H, and others who I can not remember who have had awesome videos, not a lot of airplay, not a lot of radioplay, and virtually non-existent in the hoods where I was raised and to my other friends.

Granted alot of my punk rock friends, or rather my punk rock friend also helped alot with that by carting me around to alot of shows and opening my eyes to alot of s**t that just broadened my musical boundaries and just made me susceptible and willing to listen now to just about anything.

God, sometimes I hate yahoo launch, I'm listening to some great f**ing song then hear comes Linkin Park(actually who came next) or some s**t like A Simple Plan s**ing in my ear.

Granted, I do not play any instruments so I don't feel as though I can say much about it, but damn if I could I wouldn't make fake gay action sequence music. They suck worse than Limp Bizkit, and generally speaking I just feel as though rock music has taken a hard downward spiral. I suppose I was the same when I was trying to explain guns n ross to my dad when I was younger, but they were really good and they were not just playing, those dudes were really crazy.

If it was not for Axl Rose, I would not have known that white people could get so f**kin crunk.

Damn I was going to recap the vibe awards, but ah what the hell, it sucked.

It did change my feelings toward Keyshia Cole though, I will check her out, a definite real singer. I didn't know what to think when I saw her very fiiiiiiirst video with Kanye West, which just blew the turd right out the toilet.

T Payne needs to go lock his ass in a coffin somewhere and stop using up valuable air.

Go Trina, do your muthaf**kin thang.

Go south, I don't know if we will ever release our grip on the hip-hop music for real.

Peace.

2005-11-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

Wassup!! Whas ha-ni-niin!!

If anybody caught that Patti Labelle ego trip over the edge, commemoration or whatever on UPN last tuesday night. G***amn you missed a great performance.

I mean, I am not stupid. I know she is a diva at the utmost, at tad self-indulgent, way over-exposed at the moment, and wears way too may furs for my liking(but who cares), yet I guess there are many more talented singers running around like that i.e. Mariah Carey, Cher, Madonna,...and countless others, and if I have to watch one of them, g***amn you know its going to be Patti.

First off, Tracee Ellis Ross hosted the show, and man do I love her. What men definitely call marriage material. Well actually I don't know, some of my brothers like to harp on her bug eyes, but I say a little quirky attractiveness actually does alot for some women in my book. Aside from that, she grew up in France, is sophisticated, grown and sexy, stylish, and is destined to be with me one day in the next life, hopefully. She did an awesome job, outfits were very flattering and by flattering I mean bone inducing, "Dr. Porkenheimers Boner Juice", boner inducing.

Secondly Nelly and Ashanti started off the first performance of the show and oh boy, what the hell is Kelly going to do now that Beyonce cannot mask her flawed ass voice, I mean she sounded worse than Ashanti(coming up later), and rubber tires screeching to a halt on hot asphault sounds better than Ashanti.

As for Nelly, who gives a damn.

Anyway, Kelly just could not get it together. Me and the wife just made cringy faces throughout the whole set like we were watching some sort of Texas-Chainsaw Massacre slashfest.

Anyway, god intervened and sent a lightning bolt to destroy the duo and we will never hear from them again.

Next came(and it was about time), Patti Labelle. Now let me explain, when it comes to music I am an old soul. I secretley hate that I did not grow up in a time where Jimi Hendrix was alive, Bob Marley, or when EWF was strong or shit like the Dramatics and Donny Hathaway or Curtis Mayfield was what was current. So a powerful singer like Patti Labelle sends chills through me like no one else because she is so f***ing amazing.

But I am particularly interested in how the newbies of soul music fare against their formers, and man it just ain't no contest.
You see Ashanti with that microphone? Thats all she was, a fine ass mic stand cuz Patti Labelle was blowing her ass away with her lungs. Ashanti squeaked her behind in there for a minute and proved Kelly was no match for her star-powered vocals, but then Patti sang and both girls exploded.

It was amazing.

Recap over, I know it was horrible, gotta catch the bus, peace out shawty.

2005-11-07T18:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess I'm not gone then, and here will be my first award show recap of however many I decide to do in the future which will probably mean this is the last award show recap.

But I doubt it.

No I don't.

Anyway the situation is, like many people out there I too live check to check. As well living this care-free lifestyle with little or no stress inclines me the right to not partake in certain privileges like the rest of mankind.

Harumpf!! (sips tea, sticks out pinky...)

I do not have cable. I have basic television in my household and believe it or not its great. Now I would not mind cable, especially now that basketball season is around, especially COLLEGE BASKETBALL season, notice I have that capitalized, you did, well that's great. Anyway we have this pirate television station or something coming through that we are not supposed to be getting probably, but it is MTV2.

It's the only morsel of cable sweetness that I can savor and I am hooked on it like crack. It is also extremely helpful for one who says he does not like cable and its great but says he needs it like crack.

Anyway the awards show I saw was MTV Europe in Lisbon. Granted I can never find any website soing recaps of these show except for MTV.com, and c'mon like I am going to go over to MTV.com, fugg that sheet.

I enjoyed it but let me jump to the middle and back to the beginning for a second, the pussycat dolls??

Okay already.

It's bad enough I was a little high at the time, but when I saw them, I was like "Oh sheet!! Please let it be a new song, I know they are not going to sing the same song I just know it, and I can't wait to hear it, some new sheet oh boy it's going to be good."

Very optimistic I was.
Lo and behold, same ol' tired ass song, like goddamn ya'll time for a new song.

I will finish up soon, but now I got to go catch a bus.

Life is rough people out there in blogland, I know a lot of you forget but naygruz is hustlin...

I'm out

2005-11-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

Jesus christ, it seems like now that my emloyer has net-nannied this blogsite I can no longer post as semi-annually as I used to, I am going to have to pack my s**t up and relocate.

Those who never read this, I am going to miss you so much. I know it was real dull, try not to cry, don't fret, I'll make it somehow on another corner of the web posting dull ass ramblings of inane nonsense that is not amusing except to anybody but myself.

And to those who may have read this blog,(and I know no one did because I was to chicken to tell anybody about it, and still am, I am just trying to shake off 23 plus years of being crowned nerdiest m**********r alive in East Point Georgia, n***a please..) who the hell are you?

It's been real.....

2005-10-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Interestingly enough, believe it or not the Brian Nichols case is still a hot topic around water coolers and inter-office forums everywhere in Atlanta. In my little office as well, do we each have our own opinions of who, where, why, how, and what went down within that whole godawful mess.

Last evening on the news, the two new stars of this whole ordeal, Brian Nichols friend(whose name escapes me), and the hostage, I think her name is Angie, anyway are having a feud about statements she made in her tell-all less-selling novel.

Anyway, it goes something like, Brian Nichols bud had a chance to talk with him and discuss some of thing things she writes about in her book. Now this just confirms some of the presumptions we at my inter-office news panel had already. Things that I am pretty sure everybody in Atlanta, or maybe Blacklanta had already figured out but were not being discussed in the media.

Namely, Brian's bud comments on Ashley Smith's allegations in her book that she did not smoke up, and I remember her saying something to the effect of she did not want to go up to heaven and meet god with a nose full of "ice". So she says, but hell nay-gruhs know, we know about meth users. They call meth the white man's crack, and that is all you need to tell us. Nuff said.

Brian's bud: "you think a crackhead is going to watch somebody light up in front of them and not take a hit?!"

Me at home alone stuffing wings in my mouth: "Heeellll Naarrrfff!!"

Brian's bud: "Yes they had a relationship prior to this.."

No s**t, really! You think! Well I don't even think I ever heard them mention that this was a possibility within all the news coverage surrounding this. But hell, we knew it. Blacks knew the shit all along. What black dude just runs up into some white ladies house who he does not know, stays there and she just cooperates with his ass the whole time and does not run away with all the freaking opportunities she had, and then offered him some meth and smoked(or snorted) with him.

Fugg that, they even had SEX!!

Well I did not read the book or hear him say that, but judging on the amount of times that me and my co-workers have been right about the whole situation its got to be true. I mean come on.

2005-10-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

Man, the more I think about, my presumptions about my being a punk ass wimp are becoming evermore precedent.

For example this is going to be a week with an unbelievably sh***y end. I know it is because it is planned.

Monday: Go to work and school

Tuesday: Pick up wifey from airport, go to work

Wednesday: Go to work and school

Thursday: Go to work, maybe catch this play going on at Oglethorpe University called R&J, a black take on "Romeo and Juliet"

Friday: Jump headfirst into barrel of sh*t

And so on.

C's father is coming into town and oh man does his reputation precede him. You would f*****g think the pope himself were about to touchdown and I am going to have to impress him a prove to him that I am worthy of being betrothed to his youngest daughter. Without his blessings might I add, but I have been getting stellar reviews from her family so it might soften the embarassment a little.

I would not be so nervous if I did not feel so guilty and sh***y. Like I have cheated on her before, I do not want to be married, I love C but not as much anymore, and I feel like when we got together I got swept up in this undercurrent and things just barreled along at breakneck speed till I fell over "Mi-arriage-gra Falls".

But look at me playing pity party again, I swear I throw the best ones. I am the a*****e. If you do not want to be there, then why not get out. It is not that easy for reasons I will not go into, but believe me I would like this sham to be overwith as much as anybody.

Now I have got to sham my way through this f*****g dinner with her father, who although I have not met yet, absolutely terrifies me. In every possible sense imaginable. What a wuss I am.

Her father is a retired U.N. diplomat who is "wealthy", accomplished, linked with African royalty like he's a prince or knight or something, and terribly ambitious and honorable. Statuesque and domineering just from his photos!!

But we are alike in other ways, we share similar traits.

We are both dogs.

I won't go into it any further, yet and still he is a dog in the only other sense of the word "dog" that you know. I know he's a dog, and dogs know their own kind. I am just terrified that I will be called out in front of my family (they were asked to be there) as well as strangers. Worst-case scenario could certainly become a reality on this day.

But just reading this I have discovered that I have some serious p***y innerworkings that I have got to iron out.

2005-10-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

Foreign Appeal

It amazes me to no end about how much African-Americans are cut off from information about their counterparts spread out across the diaspora. Information about their everyday lives, culture, mannerisms, struggles, leaders, issues and other such things rarely taint the mind of the majority of American blacks towards other blacks.

It can also be said that African-Americans are to often caught up in their own misguided sense of vanity that comes from adopting that condescending American attitude that foreign nations despise so openly. In when many African-Americans, and not all mind you, but many feel as though they are better than other Africans, cultures cannot begin to intermingle with each other and the roots that contain the ancestral genetic code reaching out like the Middle Passage across the globe touching every person of African descent, mixed or not, begin to wither.

With that said, the lack of information that blacks have about their international brothers and sisters creates another situation, the foreign appeal.

Point blank, I feel this is terrible, but right there I can be labeled a hypocrite. The foreign appeal of black women has a stronghold over me like no other. Now I am not just talking about accents, which many people get caught up on and is okay if it is a turn on for an individual. For others, the mysteriousness of growing up black in another world(and that is an awesomely stupid line) and going through an entirely different set of issues is attractive to me. The food, culture, music, heritage all satisfy this childlike curiosity I have with the world. It makes me yearn for these women, and that is dead wrong.

My feelings point blank and simple, never love anybody for the tangible, love them for the emotional. Basic I know, but love is basic to me.

It just so happens that I am attracted to international women more than my own beautiful black sisters in the United States no matter how compatible I may seem to be with the latter. British black girl comes strolling by talking that hot proper English, and I am damn sure going to be fantasizing about her while I am with my lady at night. Terrible!!

This post is too long, I may finish this another time....

2005-09-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Public transportation has been my only means of getting to work for about seven months now. I like public transportation more than the average fellow I believe and I have no qualms about riding the MARTA to get to where I have to go. Wait times are awful, Atlanta only has a north/south and east/west line making buses the only means of travel through the byways of the streets but those are my only complaints.

The only other thing that I have a problem with when riding the train are the women. No, the women are not bad, not loud(though some can be), and my problem is not actually with them per se, but with me and how I act when they sit next to me.

For a little background on this to hopefully shed a little light on what I am talking about, I am a total social spaz. My self-esteem all but plummets whenever a cute girl(outside the club where I am invincible) on the street passes by or comes within a couple of feet I automatically freeze up or hang my head or do whatever sort of silly thing like that that overly shy, emotionally repressed, inadequate men do. I have gotten a little better, in the last two years I feel my game has stepped up tremendously, I have emerged from my cocoon a capable and responsible man. I dress better than I did in high school, talk clearer, act less goofy and have fashioned a sort of image or moniker for myself.

Think of a Frasier Crane mixed with Malcolm X, seasoned with elements from Hip Hop culture to the bourgeious, Neo-soul to Neo-Tokyo, nigger and nerd. I am totally not rich of even middle class, but I never let anybody know it. I don't think poverty is something one should wear on his sleeve. Somewhere in the midst of all this image sculpting I grew a little vanity as well, shit just look at how much I write about myself when there was another topic at hand. So at times I am just pouring out the seams full fo self-esteem and shitting on everyone around me whilst I sit high on my ivory tower.

Yet let some halfway decent looking, hoodrat chick from the S.W.A.T.S, with tattoos and a wife beater, halfway decent hair you know nappy in the front, kaleidoscope of shit in the back and a pretty nice ghetto booty sit next to me on the train and it's like my whole self image I built up immediately starts to crumble and once again I am a sad little boy from high school who couldn't get pussy if he paid for it. Believe me this bothers me more than just about any problems I may have at the moment, of which I have plenty. I don't know what to do, and I can not begin to imagine when I will finally feel emotionally congruent to my physical appearance.

Good lord, do not let the female who just so happens to sit next to me be gorgeous either. Man my brain and body just go haywire. I start counting the number of times I look in her direction to make sure it does not exceed some maximum count. I freeze like a breakdancer into all these weird positions so as not to seem like a fidgety dork, but end up becoming some like frozen dork, and always I end up catching some hellainous boner. I mean the largest boners I ever recieve ever. Larger than the ones I get when I am in the middle of fucking! It is so insane! This goes for any female of legal age mind you, I am no pervert on a hotness scale between 3 and 10. Sit next to me, automatic boner and I will be trying to hide it from you. But I would be lying if i said they weren't some of the best boners I have ever recieved in my life. My fantasy sometimes would just be to make love to some girl right there next to me(with no one watching of course, maybe, hell I don't know) and just putting one of those magical wands to work.

Christ I get worked up just typing about it. God I've got serious issues.

2005-09-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

Flirting With Disaster

This goes for any and all flirting with another woman while your girl is within plain view. You would think that I would know something like this, me being married and all, but this is not so because some part of my physical being still allows me to do so when I know its wrong.

Life is crazy. Marriage is crazy. It's too much for a young mind to understand, overwhelming even.

Anyway, after picking up C from the airport the other day after not seeing her for a week, we met with the usual kisses and hugs. "I missed you so much...blah blah blah", "I could not stand to be apart...bore bore bore", this ensued for a little while, but soon enough reality sets in and we're right back to fighting and giving the silent treatment like we used to do.

We search for C's luggage which I can admit was my fault for not being able to find due to my ignorance of airports and baggage claim, especially in Hartsfield for that manner, but I see an old high school buddy who I commence to catching up with for about seven to eight minutes. No sooner than I say "see ya later" than do I turn around and see her with the luggage mean mugging me, and all I can think is "....damn....here we go again....".

Yeah she's pissed, now I'm pissed and we storm out of Hartsfield and now everybody knows we're pissed off at each other.

Let's just get the hell out of here.

I pull up to the cashier in the garage and wackiness ensues:

Cashier(cute round da way girl' gossipin and gigglin with her friend who is also in the booth with her, also kind of cute)
"That will be one dollar"

Me
(pulls out four quarters in change, puts in money drawer) "here you go"

Cashier
(giggling, pushes money drawer back out) "I don't take no quarters!!"

Me
(stern, pushes money drawer right back in) "Sheeyit, girl that's real money, you better take it"

Cashier
"Alright, have a nice day"

Me
"You too" (waves goodbye)

C(in passernger seat eyes on fire like bombs went off in em')
"What the f*** was that!!"

That was it, nothing more, but now I have this crazy ass woman with that pit bull in a cage look in her eyes ready to pounce on me. It was nothing but fun times the whole ride home. Nothing better than "you probably had sex with some girl while I was gone", "maybe I shouldn't have come back", "maybe you should go f*** that girl, you know you want to" and all kinds of shit...

It's too much man...

2005-09-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting in an office all day will drive some people completely bat-shit. Well for me especially, I work in customer service and best believe that men definitely need not apply for these types of jobs.

Customer service seems like one of those gender specific jobs like how construction is for men, you just can not imagine a straight woman doing that kind of work, even though there are a few that do. Customer service is just friggin horrible, for a man it's like being the ball in pinball machine and bouncing of old lady every step you turn and setting of their flared up PMS electric lights and sounds.

The only reason I am here and staying is because it is easier to study and go to school while working one of these desk jobs but the days are torture. Women are not funny, they are always crying, and it makes it that much harder to want to hold your own woman when you get home, it is so crazy.

Just a little ranting for now, peace.

2005-09-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

So, I am finally back on this thing again for the second time. Though that is only something I would know because I know nobody found the first blog, cuz it sucked and it was my first and we all know how "firsts" can be. So here we go again.

As a native of Atlanta, it is pretty nerve-wracking for everybody here in the south knowing that just less than 10 hours away is a certified disaster area. I would like to extend my condolensces to everybody out there who has lost a loved one or ones to the horrible nightmare that we call Katrina.

I am also ashamed of myself, when the hurricane hit I began slamming black folks everywhere about jumping on the "government doesn't care about black people" bandwagon.

It seems like all to often we(blacks) start throwing around labels and accusations and immediately victimize ourselves when it comes to fair treatment by government or national public officials. I got into so many conflicts with co-workers, superiors and the like about this. Shouting fits, tantrums, tears, and god knows everything else imaginable just short of fisticuffs came into play when discussing the plight of New Orleans and its treatment by Bush.

Now I feel like a turd, because there is no way in hell I can argue that Bush has done all he can for African-Americans. Or will ever do it. I do not like the way Bush runs this country. I do not understand how he can desensitize himself from the conditions of America and be so indifferent. I do not want to believe that a "president" could do such a thing.

I have volunteered to help and when not in school I will head to a shelter in my neighborhood to offer some supplies. I applaud the efforts of American's around the country and now feel a little better about calling myself one.

I only hope those in New Orleans who wish to stay in Atlanta find luck, warmth, faith, homeliness(not homelessness), and the hospitality that the south boasts so proudly.

I prey for all of them